“New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings.”
Yeah, I said it. Words are really fucking hard sometimes. They come when they want, they go when they want, and sometimes the motherfuckers don’t show up at all and I’m stuck with my thumb up my butt trying to figure out what I was trying to say in the first place. Also be advised, never will I ever claim to be a user of proper grammar. Oh and the profanity? Honey, we sprinkle that shit around here like it’s glitter. May it brighten or enlighten your reading experience.
So the brass tacks of this post are pretty simple. Often times we find ourselves in situations that require a certain decorum or tact, which requires certain words or phrases to match the situation or to express ourselves within that moment. Enough force to get the point across, but just gentle enough to belong. Well fuck all that. I’m getting divorced and I don’t know how to express my feelings without being 50 shades of fucked up and all over the place. My feelings, my thoughts, my emotions, my everything is zero to sixty in less then a second. I realize I should be reading something inspirational about how when this is said and done life will be for the better for all of us; but right now I just want to be whatever I am because I can be. As always my life is in accelerated super hyperactive mode. A million miles a minute, and I’m barely hanging on at this point.
Now I’ll spare everyone the gory details, but I’ll admit to my own faults and own up to my own mistakes. This was a long time coming. The train was seen far up the track and I just stared at the pretty light knowing that one day it would reach me and plow me over. I just wasn’t prepared. I didn’t expect things to hurt like they do, or to feel so out of body that I might as well just be watching myself go through the motions like a movie. I feel like an autopilot zombie. I’m just running on survival instinct. I think that’s the best way to describe this shit show. A shit show of basic survival.
I’ve chosen to do a cross country move and uproot the lives of myself and my pets. Much to the dismay of virtually everyone around me. “But why there?”, is the question of choice these days. Well there’s lots of reasons but we’ll leave those alone for another post someday. I’m sure in many future posts the story of how I ended up an accidental Oklahoman will reveal itself. With that being said, we need t-shirts. I’m sure the next few months of readjustment and adapting to a new environment will be interesting. I’ll keep you all on the edge of your seats with my new found knowledge of the local environment and the people who dwell here. May it amuse you, educate you, and broaden your cultural knowledge base. Where is this new found majestic location of extraordinary everythings, filled with “WHERE THE FUCK IS THE GROCERY STORE!?” Well folks, sing it with me…Oklahoma.
JustJaneanne 